Please forgive me?
by Bellashouldvebeen
Summary: Oneshot. This is what I think would happen if Jake couldnt see her after his change. Its sad so im sorry. Please read and review.


_**Disclaimer: i am not Stephenie Meyer, if i were i wouldn't be posting on here i would be getting it published. thanks :) now i am sad :(**_

_That first day I saw you,_

_You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen._

_Even with your eyes as black as coals and your face contorted with pain, you were beautiful._

_Mike said it looked like I had stabbed you with a pencil, but now I know the truth._

_From that one moment of hatred I knew that somehow, some way that I loved you._

_You stopped talking to me, you left school for days._

_But then you started to talk; you gave up on staying away._

_I fell for you hard, but I had always wondered_

_What's so special about me, Plain Jane?_

_I knew that this was too good to be true, that's why _

_It hurt so much_

_You see it never made sense for you to love me. _

_It never made sense that you didn't kill me, if my blood sang to you._

_So why didn't you just give in and take me?_

_The longer you stayed, the more attached I became._

_Stupid lamb,_

_Falling for a fairy tail monster,_

_A sick masochistic lion._

_I never knew why it came as a shock,_

_Again it never made much sense. _

_I believed each and everything you said that night_

_I knew it was too good to be true. _

_You left my heart, my soul, my love._

_You just walked away from everything and that made sense._

_The only thing that ever did. _

_I tried to follow you in hope that it was a dream, _

_A nightmare._

_I only stayed alive for my family. _

_But if you were gone, I didn't want to live. _

_Of course Charlie saw more than I thought._

_My façade had done no good._

_He threatened to send me back to my mother._

_Not for me, but because he was terrified about what was becoming of his daughter._

_Like a little kid I threw a fit, _

_I didn't want to leave the only place that held the essence of you. _

_I went to your place, just to see._

_It was there that I realized that even as much as I hated you, I was still irrevocably in love. _

_I knew that crying wasn't helping anything, _

_So I put on my big girl face and started talking to people again._

_During those months,_

_When I was like a zombie,_

_Time stood still for me; it was never moving, never letting the pain go._

_It was during those days of being a big girl,_

_That I noticed it had went by for everyone else. _

_People had changed,_

_The weather had changed,_

_But most of all I wasn't the same person._

_I was starting to get back; I even made plans with the girls. _

_I'm starting to believe that dangerous things call me._

_Three guys in an alley were all it took to bring back your beautiful voice. _

_The motor cycles helped too but you eventually faded._

_I began to move on some. _

_Being friends with Jake helped._

_He was my internal sun in those dark times._

_But then like everything else I loved, he left._

_He stopped coming by; he wouldn't answer my calls._

_Eventually I found out that my best friend was your mortal enemy._

_His pack was the cause for him leaving_

_They said it wasn't a good idea for him to be around me_

_A newborn wolf doesn't mix with a clumsy human they said. _

_All I had to do was look at poor Emily._

_I was alone again. _

_All alone, by myself._

_I needed you so much, even though I didn't let myself realize it._

_It opened an empty hole in my chest when I thought about you._

_But your name raged inside of me. _

_Your love, the stuff I so long ago stopped believing in._

_It haunted me. _

_Before Jake left he promised to take me cliff diving. _

_Something that I so long ago had seen his now friends do._

_He's gone, so there goes his promise._

_Without you I have nothing to live for. _

_The wind up on this cliff is cold and the water far below my dangling feet is thrashing._

_Kind of reminds me of my dreams when James was after me. _

_Ironic, because now your not here to hold me._

_Often I have thought about how it would be if James had killed me like he planned._

_And if you had been too late. _

_Would you have somehow saved me in time?_

_Would I have had to go through this pain I caused by falling in love?_

_Looks like we'll never know Edward._

_Looks like we'll never know. _

_You are probably with Tanya now._

_I hope you're happy._

_I would like to think you are. _

_It eases the pain knowing only one of us is_

_Hurt,_

_Torn, _

_Broken._

_Please be happy Edward; find someone to be happy with._

_Alice has probably seen me do this. _

_Tell her I'm sorry for putting her through it._

_Tell her I loved her like a sister. _

_Tell all of your family that I love them._

_I cant live without you._

_I have tired but have failed miserably._

_You, my love, are the only one that I have ever loved._

_If you see Charlie give him a big hug after he tries to kill you._

_Deep down he loves you too._

_So be there for him if you care._

_He needs someone now._

_So be that someone if you care enough._

_The thunder is getting louder._

_And the lightning is getting closer._

_Only another minute until the day I met you._

_The day my life changed forever. _

_Edward, please forgive me._

_I forgive you for leaving._

_So forgive me for doing the same._

_By the time Alice gets here it will be to late._

_Ill be gone._

_Edward Anthony Mason _

_I love you._

_I promise to hug your mom and dad for you._

_I am excited to see them,_

_To tell them how terrific their son is._

_Good bye Edward,_

_I'll love you forever._

_Stupid Lamb_

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_Smile and let it reach your eyes, love._

_Don't frown it leaves wrinkles. _

I folded up the letter and wrote,

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

_LOVE YOU STILL_

In my messy scrawl. The rain started to beat down faster and harder erasing the tears that stained my face. I kissed the back of the folded letter knowing even though I wasn't wearing lipstick that he would know. My body stood up to place the letter out of the rain. My writing was probably already messed up but I knew that he would decipher it. I looked over the edge of the cliff. It was a long way down yet I knew that because the river was low the rocks would do their job.

I held only one regret by doing this. Leaving Charlie and Renee daughterless. I pushed it out of my mind and walked back farther so I could get a running start. I had never been a great runner but I had already cleared my path of things for me to trip on.

I hurled my body forward and off the cliff. From behind me I could hear a high pitched scream. I knew that it belonged to a tiny body.

_Poor Alice. _Was all I thought. My body had left the cliff but I could feel tiny hands reach for me. I glanced down at the fast approaching water. I barely remember hitting it. The water moved under me and all I could remember was thinking, _No I want to keep it, _as all of my memories of Edward rushed past my eyes. _Why did I have to jump off a cliff? Stupid stupid Bella. _

EDWARDS POV

I began pacing again. The hospital floors were starting to wear under my feet. The sound of the heart machine was like a hammer hitting my ears. I was thankful for it though for my lovely Bella's heart was getting softer.

My family was waiting in the waiting room. I was grateful of Alice for saving my only love. Before leaving Bella's room Alice had handed me a piece of paper.

_Read it, you need to read it. _She had thought to me. If we could cry tears my whole family would be in hysterics.

I finally sat down. My legs were getting tired and pacing wasn't going to save Bella. I took the letter out of my pocket. I had folded it many times, my hands willing me to read it but my heart and mind set against it. I brought it to my nose, breathing deeply the smell of sweet Isabella. I finally opened it up and started to read.

With each word, phrase, sentence, that I read I could feel the build up of unshedable tears. By the end of it I wiped my face only to find actual tears there. They were streaming from my eyes.

How could she have believed the darkest of blathemasy? I had told her so many times that I loved her, that I would always love her, but all it took was one stupid lie to undo it all.

My family went with my choice. Not once did they complain, although their stares, their faces showed all to well their pain. I hadn't wanted to leave. I hadn't wanted to lie but I did. I told the one I love that I never did.

I looked up from my thoughts to Bella. I made my way over to her bed. She was bruised up and had many broken bones, she was in a coma. My life was in a coma. I lay down next to her and gathered her into my arms. Her tiny fragile body warmed my cold heart. Her heart beat sped up a bit. I leaned down and kissed her throat, I began to hum her lullaby to calm me. I closed my eyes willing myself to sleep. I knew I never would be able to but I wanted to get away.

I sat there for hours with her not moving. I was off in my own world. Remembering the one day I opened up to her, shown her me at the meadow. She wasn't afraid of me then. She had already known she loved me no matter what I was.

I was brought out of my daze by the voice I had so longed to hear.

"Edward?" she asked her eyelids fluttering.

"Yes, love, I'm here. I'm never going to leave. I can't believe you believed my lies." I kissed her face and up and down her neck. She sighed.

"I love you Edward. Don't ever leave again. Promise me Edward. Promise me." She begged me. Her eyes held tears that I wished away.

"I promise love. Never again will I leave. I was coming back my love. There was no need to throw yourself off a cliff." I hugged her.

"We'll not everyone has physic or mind powers," she said with a laugh. I smiled at that. I would do anything to win her unreasonable love for this terrible fairy tail monster inside. I leaned down to kiss her on the mouth before she fell back asleep.

I always knew I loved her. I just had to make her believe the truth.

* * *

Hey people. I wrote this last night and then had people reading it to see if it was good. It must have been because I had good reviews. I sent it to some of my imdb friends and had them proof it. I would like to think SwissArmyRomance (we love you liza) for doing so for me. I also had nightHxC proof it for me too. So if you ever see them on Imdb thank them. Without their help things would sound funny and i would have really crappy grammar. Tell me what you think. I really want to know.

please Read and Review

-Bella shouldve been. also Froggyhopper93 on imdb thanks you all.


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